“There she goes again- two steps behind the chief, as always,” said Havoc, watching from his table as Lieutenant Fuhrer Hawkeye trailed into the lunch queue behind her superior officer and best friend, Roy Mustang. “What’s with her anyway?”
“Huh?” came the confused reply Sergeant Major Fuery, “I thought she was in a pretty good mood today.”
“Well yeah,” said Havoc. “But I mean, what’s with her always following the Fuhrer around- you can never get either of them alone for more than a few minutes.”
“Oh,” said Fuery, immediately understanding. “I get that. You know, I was trying to talk to the Lieutenant Fuhrer about Black Hayate’s schedule the other day, but not even half a minute later, she started getting distracted and said she had to go and check on him.”
“Should you really be talking about your superiors behind their backs that way?” Warrant Officer Vato Falman wondered aloud.
“The chief doesn’t count as a higher up,” Havoc assured him with a shrug. “He’s a friend. Hawkeye might, but you know how she despises being treated unequally- even when it works in her favour.” He paused here, looking thoughtful. “But hey, Falman, you’re a freaky genius dude, how long have those two known each other, anyway?”
“I can say,” said Falman.
“Can’t? Or won’t?” Havoc challenged. “Don’t even try to deny that you don’t know… you knew about my last girlfriend shoving me in that water fountain and I’d swear nobody saw…”
“Ouch! Susannah did that?!” Fuery gasped, sounding appalled.
“Naw- Mary,” said Havoc. “Susannah was the one who tried to push me under the ice-cream truck… Anyway, Falman- spill the beans!”
Falman obliged, but didn’t look all that happy about it, “he was her father’s alchemy student.”
“And?” Havoc probed.
“They would have met when the Fuhrer started his training,” Falman went on grudgingly. “Age 6. Hawkeye, age 4.”
“Whoa…” said Fuery softly and Havoc’s eyes bugged.
“Man, that’s gotta be-!”
“25 years,” came Roy’s voice from behind them.
“Yeah!” Havoc agreed, not seeming to realise who it was that had spoken. “25 yea-! Shit! Afternoon, Chief! Afternoon, Lieutenant Fuhrer!”
“Why are you three discussing my history with the Fuhrer?” asked Riza coldly.
“Well, you see, Lieutenant Fuhrer,” said Fuery, cowering a little under her harsh glare, “Havoc was jealous about-”
“Was not!!”
“I’m sorry,” Fuery corrected himself. “Havoc was just being curious for no substantial reason whatsoever.”
Havoc shrugged apologetically as Riza and Roy both turned on him. “I was just wondering why you was always followin’ Mustang ‘round like a dog…”
“As the Fuhrer’s second-in-command, some would say it’s my job,” said Riza, voice level and tone hard.
“Well, yeah…” said Havoc, fishing for something to say, “but… you always know where he is and you get all nervous if you don’t know exactly what he’s doing and where.”
“Only because he’s too foolish to take care of himself,” Riza told them, and the men agreed grudgingly.
“You know, I am standing right here, Hawkeye,” said Roy, a little insulted.
“Shut up, sir- I’m defending us both.”
“Defending?” Roy repeated. “I don’t understand what we’ve been accused with.”
“Being passionately and violently in love, chief,” Havoc replied brightly.
“Oh. Well, defend away, Lieutenant Fuhrer,” Roy was quick to encourage her.
“Yes, sir,” said Hawkeye, and then she sighed a little. “If you must know, Havoc, I have never been, and never will be, in love- especially not with Roy Mustang. Falman, you seem to have all the answers. How clean is my record with men?”
“Crystal, Lieutenant Fuhrer,” Falman replied immediately. “As is Fuhrer Mustang’s, to a degree.”
“Ha!” Havoc scoffed. “What about all the girls he stole from the rest of us, hey?! What about Susannah, and Mary?!”
“Havoc, I never dated either of them,” said Roy, rolling his eyes. “They just left you to pursue me. Still, don’t spread it around- I have a reputation to keep, after all.”
Upon Havoc’s loud huff, Falman went on obligingly, “Fuhrer Mustang dated only a Caroline Moroll for three weeks when he was fifteen, a Millie Keller a little later than that, then a Louise Dale when he was twenty-three. His other alleged ‘girlfriends’ were either simple fangirls, contacts, or –most commonly- one of the Lieutenant Fuhrer’s aliases.”
Fuery accepted this meekly but Havoc’s eyes were wide.
“YOU MEAN LIEUTENANT FUHRER HAWKEYE WAS THAT HOT BLONDE YOU WERE SEEING LAST WEEK?!?!”
Riza immediately reached down and clicked the safety off her Browning Hi-Power.
“DAMN!!” Havoc yelled and he fled with his tail between his legs.
“…Uhm… Maybe I should go and see if he’s okay,” Falman volunteered, noting that Riza still had a finger on the trigger. He fled and Fuery chased after without a word.
“Remind me to thank Falman for distracting them…” Roy mused, sitting down with his lunch.
“It really is quite ridiculous,” Riza agreed as she joined him with her own.
“I know- us? Dating?!”
“With… With all due respect, sir- Havoc never said that we were dating- he claimed that we were in love.”
“Well that’s ridiculous too!!” Roy exclaimed, waving his fork in the air. “There’s no way in Hell you’re in love with me, right? Never have been, never will be- you said.”
“Yes, sir. That’s what I said… What about you?”
“Huh? What about me?”
“Just wondering, sir…”
“W-Well of course I’m not in love with you!” said Roy quickly, eyes widening. “That goes without saying!!”
“I see,” said Riza, standing up and tucking her chair in sharply. “You have a meeting with Maria Ross and her partner in five minutes.”
“But they’ve already handed in their last mission report,” said Roy, also standing. “What could they want?”
“If it were anyone else, I wouldn’t be able to answer you that, sir- but as it’s Ross and Brosh, they’re probably requesting the removal of the fraternization law,” Hawkeye mused. “You did always promise that you’d have it removed once you became Fuhrer.”
“Oh yeah… So it’s Lieutenant Ross that Brosh has had his eye on…” said Roy thoughtfully.
“Everyone else has noticed, sir.”
Roy shook his head, “then why can’t Havoc go and bother them?” he found himself complaining.
“Maybe he just wants to see you happy, sir- as Hughes did.”
Roy shrugged, disposing of his leftovers and not seeming to realise that she had half implied that he would be happy with her, “I know,” he said. “But he shouldn’t have involved you in that.”
“I’m used to his comments, sir,” Riza assured him. “Just last week he was convinced that I was having an affair with General Grumman.”
“What did he say when you told him that Grumman was your grandfather?” asked Roy, more than just a little amused.
“Same thing as you, actually: ‘-The Hell…?’”
Roy laughed, “I should have known, actually- your entire family is obsessed with chess.”
“Not really- I can’t play worth toffee,” Riza reminded him.
“Which is good for me,” Roy agreed, “because it’s the only damn thing I can beat you at.”
“Maybe I should go over my shotty strategy with Grandfather…” said Riza, half to herself.
“Oh, God! Please don’t!!” Roy seemed horrified.
“Don’t worry, I won’t,” said Riza, smiling a little, “I wouldn’t want to completely compromise your self-confidence, sir.”
“Gee thanks…”
“You’re welcome, sir,” Riza replied, mock sincerely.
They were interrupted, then, as Second Lieutenant Ross and Sergeant Brosh jogged up to them.
“Sir?” said Brosh, “would now be a good time for that meeting?”
“Of course,” said Roy, “we were just on our way to the office now.”
“Good, sir, because we’d like to talk to you about-”
“The Fraternization Law?” Roy finished for him, amused.
“Uhm… Well…?”
“It can wait until we get to my office,” said Roy. “Come on.”
A few minutes later, the four of them found Roy’s big and fancy-looking office; Roy went to sit behind his desk and Riza to stand behind him, Ross and Brosh moving to stand in front and salute.
“Uhm, well, sir…” Brosh began, “you guessed why we were here, but-”
“Actually,” said Roy, grinning, “Hawkeye guessed. She’s good with that sort of stuff- I suppose it’s a girl thing.”
Riza clicked the safety off her gun warningly.
“Good grief! What can I have done to offend you now?!”
“That’s sexism, sir,” Maria explained patiently.
“But it was in her favour!” Roy protested and Riza glared at him- Maria explaining this too.
“She doesn’t like being separated from the male staff, sir.”
“What,” said Roy, “has Hawkeye herself gone mute?”
“She’s sulking, sir,” said Maria confidently. “It’s a girl thing.”
Riza snapped and shot at the floor impatiently, “can we get back to business?”
Roy nodded quickly. “I guess there’s only one thing I need to know.”
“Yeah?”
“Do you love her, Brosh?”
“Yes, sir!!” the Sergeant replied immediately.
“And do you love him, Ross?”
“Yes, sir!” Maria replied in a heartbeat.
“Very well,” said Roy thoughtfully. “If the law to remain in place, I’d have two possible outcomes, wouldn’t I?”
“Excuse me, sir?””
“Well, one,” Mustang explained, “is that the two of you would become absolutely miserable, your performance would drop and, very likely, neither of you would ever speak to me again… Or two- one or both of you would quit the military so that you could be together. Either way… it can’t be good for me, can it?”
“Is that all you ever think about?! Yourself?!” Brosh exclaimed, then he paused as he realised what Roy was saying. “…Wait, a minute…? You mean-?”
“Yes, Brosh- the extra paperwork will kill me- but, yes.”
“Ignore him,” Hawkeye advised easily. “He doesn’t really mind.”
“You just say that because you don’t have to do it,” Roy complained.
“Sir, I do most of your paperwork anyway,” Riza reminded him. “Ross; Brosh- consider your relationship permissible.”
“Thank you, sirs!!” they chimed, saluting loyally.
“Yeah whatever,” said Roy, shaking his head. “Hawkeye- prepare the paperwork.”
“I prepared it in advance, sir,” said Riza, reaching into his pile of unfinished papers and pulling out a smaller grouping. “All you have to do is sign it.”
Roy signed the paperwork with a flourish and grinned, “there you go! Congratulations!!” He turned to Riza, “that was easy- I should’ve done it ages ago!”
“Uhm…?” said Brosh uncertainly.
“Ignore him,” Riza said again. “He’s power hungry.”
“Hey!” Roy complained. “I am not! Besides, as I’m the head of the country, you shouldn’t be telling people to just ignore me!”
“Oh, I wouldn’t say it if you were talking about anything important, sir,” Riza reassured him, “but as you’re just trying to get out of the rest of your paperwork-”
“Why must you always spoil my fun?”
“Because that’s my fun, sir.”
“Damn…” Roy huffed, before realising that the others were still there. “Dismissed, Brosh; Ross.”
The two of them saluted again happily and left.
Riza paused a little before speaking, “…It was good of you to remove that law, sir.”
“Huh?” said Roy. “There was never any question, was there?”
“I know,” she said, “but still- you made two people very happy just now. You should be proud of yourself.”
“Well, thank you, Hawkeye.”
Riza saluted dutifully and Roy flinched.
“You don’t really think that you need to do that, do you, Riza?” he asked.
“Sir?”
“I hate it when you call me that, too- I feel so old and distant,” Roy admitted. “Besides, you’re my best friend- you shouldn’t be calling me ‘sir’.
“As your subordinate, I-” Riza began, but Roy cut her off with:
“As your superior, I order you to call me Roy.”
“Sir-”
“Are you disobeying a direct command, Lieutenant Fuhrer?” asked Roy, grinning.
Riza glared, “no, Roy. I was just going to comment that this is a terrible abuse of your power.”
“And how I love that power,” Roy reminded her happily. “I wonder how far I can get with you on orders…”
“I’ll request a transfer if you take advantage of me,” Riza threatened.
“Request it from whom? I am the Fuhrer, after all.”
“Sir-!” Riza spluttered but Roy only laughed.
“Relax, Hawkeye. I do have some respect for you.”
“You had better, sir,” Riza huffed grumpily.
“Roy.”
“I’ve notice that you’re still calling me ‘Hawkeye’,” Riza retaliated, much to his surprise.
“Only because I thought you might actually shoot me if I called you by your first name.”
“Oh, don’t worry- I have plenty of other reasons to shoot at you.”
“Yay…” said Roy dryly, then he grinned all of a sudden. “So I can call you Riza?”
“That’s only fair, since I have to call you ‘Roy’,” said Riza, blushing a little and knowing that he wouldn’t exactly see it as a chore.
“Equivalent exchange, huh?” said Roy, stroking his chin mock thoughtfully. “Does that mean if I kissed you, you’d have to kiss me back?”
“Roy, I’m warning you now to shut up on that note.”
“If I told you that I really was in love with you- like Havoc said. What then?”
“Don’t even joke about that,” said Riza, voice hard and muscles tense.
“And if I wasn’t joking? If I’m not?”
“How would I even know?” she asked, a little choked by the sudden unfamiliar emotion that had filled her.
“Hmm?”
“Well… Roy… How would I know whether or not to trust you? Whether or not you really loved me?”
Roy pondered this for a while, then shook his head. “I don’t think we’re going to get very far with this conversation while it remains hypothetical,” he deliberated.
“I don’t understand.”
Roy stood up and turned to face her properly, “I’m in love with you, Riza.”
Riza’s eyes widened slightly, “Roy…?”
“You heard me,” he said, reaching out so that his hands cupped her elbows and pulled her closer a little. “I’m –how did Havoc put it? Oh yes- ‘passionately and violently in love’ with you. Now…” he grinned here, “…I believe you wanted me to prove it?”
“How do you propose to do that?” asked Riza, out of a sort of nervous curiosity.
Roy just gave her another of his trademark cocky grins and trailed his hands down to her hips, bringing her closer still; Hawkeye breathing in sharply as he brought his face up to hers.
“Okay, okay! I believe you!” she whispered quickly, unable to make her voice come out any louder. “Now stop!”
“Why?”
“Why?! Because I said so!!”
Roy only shook his head at her breathy protest and kissed her mouth sweetly, chuckling against her lips as he felt her shiver erotically. “Come on, Riza- I didn’t take ‘Because I said so’ when we were five and I won’t now. Tell me that you don’t love me –even like me- back.”
Hawkeye looked down at where her feet would have been if she could see them past the light but firm press of their bodies and shook her head, “…you only say that because you know I can’t.”
“So why won’t you have me?” asked Roy, kissing up her neck and jaw in a way that made her just want to melt into him.
“You’d only be distracted,” she said firmly, and with new resolve- having managed to shake off the quavering whisper that she hated. “And don’t you think I’ve forgotten about all that paperwork left on your desk.”
“Is that the only reason?”
Riza sighed, knowing he’d get it out of her eventually, “Yes, Roy. It is.”
He stepped back with a smile, “Fine then… But if I finish my work on time this evening, will you go on a date with me afterwards?”
Riza thought back to his tender embrace and warm mouth and found herself nodding, a small smile edging at the corners of her lips, “yes, sir. I will.”